November 15th, 2016

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I love you!

Please enjoy this online book thing dedicated to you in your last year of your 30’s! Whoa! Big stuff, big time, big bang, big titties, big things happening! Overwhelmed yet?!

Now, I’m not one to educate others on how to read (aside from my years teaching English), but the intention of this book thing is for you to read one entry every so often. In the interest of avoiding spoilers, I’d advise you not to jump ahead but I know you sometimes like to read the end of the book before you even make it to the middle and really, I’m not one to judge. Most of the time. Actually, this is the one exception. I judge you. I don’t understand.

But really, if you actually want to jump ahead, that’s ok. There isn’t really a plot to this. That I know of. But if you were to jump to, say, December 25th, it’s likely going to be about Christmas. It’ll probably say something like, “MERRY CHRISTMAS!” Don’t you think it’d be a bit weird if it were only October 10th and you read December 25th and you were reading a note saying “MERRY CHRISTMAS!”?

Dammit.

I just spoiled December 25th’s entry.

Sorry.

I’m such a tool.

Anyway. The point is, you can treat this however you would like to – read it every day, read it once a week, read it only when you drink coffee, or when you take a poop, read it today and never pick it back up again, meh, it’s up to you. It’s my gift to you, and once a gift has been given the giver no longer has control over the gift that has been gifted to the giftee.

Consider this like a countdown to your forties. There are enough entries to give you plenty to read until you turn the big 4-0. Unless I did the math wrong. It’s possible. Math isn’t my strong suit. So I’m assuming as I write these, that you will read at least one a week. Hopefully. I also haven’t finished all the entries for this full year. Soo.

We spend so much time celebrating the actual day that we hit a new decade but why shouldn’t we spend time recognizing and saying farewell to the decade that just served us? I mean, 10 years of being in your thirties is a lot of work! Embrace that last year! You only get one last year in your thirties.

Did you know the average platypus lives ten years? So by the end of this book thing, you will have lived the lives of THREE platypuses. That’s amazing! I imagine platypuses are very jealous of you. You’d be like, their wise elder and they’d go to you for advice. You’d lead the drum circle. Have your choice of mate(s). You should go make some platypus friends now.

Anyway, I love you and I want you to enjoy this book thing. However, at the time of writing this exact entry, I really don’t know any more than you do what to expect from here on in. This could actually be very boring.

But I also really want you to enjoy this last year in your thirties. Cheers and I love you and I hope this year is better than last year and every year before, and that they only improve from here!

Also, as I really don’t know what will come out of this, I think maybe I should apologize in advance?

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