November 17th, 2016

You know what’s interesting? You’re reading this now, whenever that is, and yet I wrote this in the past. At this point, by the time you read this, several months most likely would have passed, but maybe a whole year passed. Hell, maybe you lost this book thing two days after you got it and only found it again a decade later.

Basically, if you think about it, this is like that thing you bury somewhere… you put your mementos in it and then you bury it and dig it up again like, fifty years later to look at it and marvel how the times have changed. What’s that called?

Time capsule. It’s called a time capsule. I looked it up. On google.

In case you truly did lose this and it’s now several decades later by the time you get to this entry, and you’ve forgotten, “google” is a search engine. It’s a thing on the internet where you ask a question and google will answer it for you but will also give you millions of websites that can answer the question or might have even just mentioned what you looked up. For instance, today, here, in your current past, if you were to google “google” there are 11.98 billion results.

Speaking of 11 billion, it is expected that the earth’s population (of humans, of course) will reach about 11 billion by the year 2100. Really, that’s actually not that far off from when this was written.

Oh, maybe it’s already the year 2100 when you’re reading this! Maybe it took you that long to find this book thing that you lost! Wow, that’s a true time capsule. And also, jeez, way to live a long life. This means you’re three days past 123 years old! Congratulations! I’m proud of you! I hope I’m also alive. I’d be 113. That’s cool.

The oldest person in the US at the time of writing this is 113 years old. So that’s a bit of trivia for ya. She lives in Worcester, Massachusetts. If you’re reading this in 2100, I’m sorry to inform you, but most likely she’s dead. My condolences. I hope you didn’t grow too attached in the time that I’ve told you about her.

Actually, the oldest person to have ever lived was 122 when she died. She was French. What does that mean about cigarettes, sex, and wine? She’s French so I assume she indulged to the end. She died in 1997.

Currently, the oldest person in the world who is still alive is Emma Morano. She’s 116. She’s Italian. Do you know her? Maybe your mom does? It’s a small world, you just never know.

But isn’t this wonderful? Learning about all these super old people? Doesn’t it make you feel young and spry? I mean, at the time of writing this, you’ve got another 83 years left in you! That’s about the lifespan of a macaw! Or eight platypuses! Why, you’re just a wee baby!

Wait, unless you’re reading this in 2100…

What’s going on out there in 2100 anyway? I’m assuming cars can finally fly. Actually, cars probably don’t even exist anymore, let’s be real. It’s teleportation, isn’t it? Beam me up, Scotty! That’s from Star Trek which you used to watch back when you were in your thirties.

Do you still eat? Or have they figured out ways to make food unnecessary? You just take vitamins and pills now, eh? And that gives you all the necessary nutrients. Would explain why you’re 123 and I’m 113 and we’re both still alive. And together.


Obviously we’re still together.

Probably have bought a house at this point.

Jeez, I hope we bought a house at this point.

How many dogs do we have? Are they also super old? Are they getting the same nutrients as us and living very long lives? Omg did we end up getting Pauline, or Harriet, or Happy and Pugsly? Did we get all four?! Is it you, me, Pauline, Harriet, Happy, and Pugsly all living together? Awww we’re so cute. I can just picture it.

What do we do for fun? Do we still have to walk the dogs? There’s probably technology that does that for us, right? But I’m sure you’re still running and jogging. Do we still play backgammon? Dutch Blitz? Is Modern Family still going? I wonder what Manny looks like now. Probably we’re also playing some modern, newfangled game that I, in present day of writing this, can’t even imagine or picture.

But just picture it, aren’t we cute?

This is a macaw

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