November 18th, 2016


I have writer’s block.

Not sure what to write today.

However, that does not make this day any less important in this book thing or in your thirty-ninth year of life!

Every day is significant and important.

But I know you know this.

Brain fart.

At least they smell better than what comes out of your butt.

See? Now I’ve resorted to talking about the gaseous smells that come out of your ass. That’s pretty bad. Not just the smell but the fact that literally the best thing I can think to talk about is what comes out of your ass.

But really, I know you like to discuss what comes out of your body so perhaps as a truly considerate gift I will spend this entry talking about poop.

For instance, do you know where the word “poop” comes from? It is from the onomatopoeia (a word that is formed by sounding like the sound it makes. “Boom” is an excellent example) “poupen” or “popen” which in Middle English means to make an “abrupt sound”. So basically farts evolved into poops. And now we have sharts! So it’s almost like we’re reverting back. Such fun the English language is.

Would you like to learn how to say something in another language? I will tell you anyway. I will teach you Pokemon. “I’ll thundershock you with my Raichu” means I’ll fart in your face.

In Quebecois “mange mon pet” means “eat my fart”. Sometimes when I walk into a room you’re in after you’ve eaten some turkey, I feel like this is what your body is saying to me.

Did you know the average person farts 14 times a day? I just wanted you to feel above average.

A couple other ways of saying fart, but in English:

  • Anus applause
  • Rattler
  • Ripper
  • Open the back door (that’s from g’ma)
  • Whoopee
  • Orchestra practise
  • Panty burp
  • Hot wind
  • Bench warmer
  • And many more!

I suspect I will have more brain farts before you get to the end of this book thing, but I will attempt to not spend another one talking exclusively of booty belches.

(Also, for the record, I love you even with your all your cornhole claps)



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